"My inner goddess has stopped dancing and is staring too, open mouth and drooling slightly."

This is what's getting the ladies going, lately, It's an excerpt from the popular (pornographic) novel Fifty Shades of Grey. Theaters will be packed when the movie adaption is released in 2015. Maybe it'll be produced by Brazzers. (Insert more internet porn jokes here.)

When I was at the book store with my friends the other day, we played a game. It was called "Pick a ladies' romance novel off the shelf and you have one minute to find the most erotic line."

I read mine in a weird voice, and thought to myself, "I'm sure there's something incredibly hilarious like this on the internet aboutFifty Shades of Grey."

Behold. Now, try to keep calm.

P.S. Santa Claus, if you're real: I just want this whole book on audiotape read by Gilbert Gottfried.