For a lot of people, the beginning of a new year is a new excuse to disappoint themselves with lofty goals they'll never accomplish. Why do we have to wait until January 1 to make healthy goals for ourselves? Since everybody else seems to be set on it, here are my goals for 2016.

START SMOKING

Seriously, I need to learn how to BBQ like Dickey's or Porters.

Thinkstock

 


 

GAIN WEIGHT

Put on some muscle mass. I'm too skinny to be taken seriously.

Sharon Meredith

 

WATCH MORE TV

I've still never seen 'Breaking Bad', so Curt's 'Breaking Bad Bitch Breaks' go over my head.

manaemedia

 

SWEAR MORE

I would like to moonlight as a judge, and swear people under the oath of law to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Purestock

 

DRINK MORE

I'm always dehydrated. I'll drink anything. Except anti-freeze. I won't drink that.

mladensky