Hey dudes,

Merry Crotchmas.

I came upon, er, it has been brought to my attention, certain things that pertain to goings-on-south-of-the-belt. Here are some highlights from the original report:

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Now, in no particular order:

A generic version of Viagra is available. Full deal, half the price. Pfizer's patent expired and the race is on since the exclusive ran out on the calendar. The generic erectile dysfunction drug sildenafil will cost half the price of what the "little blue pill" costs now. Pfizer, which makes Viagra. will also produce its own generic version of the drug, white rather than blue in color, and it will cost around $32 a pill, half Viagra's price. By selling its own generic version, Pfizer will be able to compete with other drug companies that are on the market with knock-offs now.

  • Be happy, you are the best lover in the world! It's true, American dudes last longer in bed than men anywhere else....but it's still not enough?
  • The average woman wants sex to last for 25 minutes and 51 seconds. That sounds long to me. Way long to me. And maybe that's the issue.
  • Men in the United States last an average of 17 minutes and five seconds. That's longer than anyone else in the world, but still at least nine minutes LESS than women are hoping for. It's also almost nine minutes less than the guys THEMSELVES hope for. The average man says he thinks that sex lasts for 25 minutes and 43 seconds.
  • Exaggeration on many fronts, however, we're #1 in the Sex Olympics, U-S-A! U-S-A!, but it's still not enough. We should always strive to be the best and yet we're still a better swordsman that you can be.
  • Men in Canada last the second longest in bed...and men in India are the quickest. (Qwik-E-Mart?)

A British firm has released a Fitbit-style condom that measures a man's performance in bed. It looks like a small rubber bracelet. It logs data during sex and sends it to the user's smartphone, according to the creators of the I.Con Smart Condom.

The reusable, one-size-fits-all band measures the number of calories burned during sex, the speed of a man's thrusts and how long he lasts.

Engineers of the stretchable gadget say it also detects sexually transmitted diseases and that the device is "absolutely no hindrance to the user." Right.

It also has a integrated micro USB port so it can be recharged, with each charge lasting six to eight hours. More than 90.000 people have pre-ordered the product at the price of $80.99.

Critics call the device a "spy condom" and worry about the privacy of collecting such information. I can't handle that kind of pressure/scoreboard.

Stats don't lie and sometimes, like Jack Nicholson said in "A Few Good Men", I can't handle the truth.

And finally,

It's possible for men to be allergic to sex. Boys, do you get a stuffy nose, fatigue and the sweats after you've had sex? Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome (POIS). The struggle is real. Read 'em and weep here.

Oh, there's more. But that's enough for now. I can't believe you made it this far. Something is wrong with us. And we like that about us.

Happy Holidays.