Tough Day, Bro — Dude Gets Abducted By Aliens and Charged With DUI
While there is no scientific proof that the consumption of mass quantities of alcohol will render a person completely insane, there is certainly no shortage of case studies within this mad, mad world to build a strong argument against it. See above.
Once a drunkard starts babbling some nonsense about an alien abduction being responsible for his indiscretions, the role of the constituency is simply to look on in horror.
One such incident took place over the weekend in Loganville, GA. According to a report from the Walton County Sheriff’s Department, deputies responded to an early morning call from a woman in the parking lot of a local church, who indicated someone was trying to kill her. When officers arrived on the scene, the woman was bleeding heavily but was unable to give any details about what happened. However, deputies found a cell phone in her possession with the contact information of man named Joel Lankford.
Deputies soon discovered an abandoned vehicle just up the road from the church with both doors open, and the engine still running. In a strange turn of events, while officers were investigating the apparent accident they received a 9-1-1 call from someone in a nearby residential area reporting a suspicious person hanging around on their front porch. When deputies arrived they found — you guess it — Joel Lankford, who reportedly told officers that he had been transported there by aliens.
After putting the entire maniacal equation together, police arrested Joel Lankford and charged him with DUI and leaving the scene of an accident – still no word on whether any extra-terrestrials will be charged.