The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
Interactive Map Shows What Smut Your State Searches for Most
You can learn a lot about a person based on 1) where they live and 2) their internet history. Today I learned the US is filled with fans of creampies and not the kind made by Hostess.
6 Ways to Use Your Mom to Pick Up Women
Every dating website will preach the importance of a "wing man." Wing men are overrated. Wing women are the key to sex-cess.
Candy Company Offers Breast Milk Flavored Lollipops — Makes For Great Treat After Therapy
The award-winning gourmet lollipop company, Lollyphile, has never been afraid to experiment with off-the-wall flavors.
Four years ago, the "adult candy company" started producing absinthe-flavored suckers just before the absinthe ban was lifted...
Minor League Player Steals Home to the Delight of All Seven Fans in the Stands
Minor League baseball is often the place to find some of the most exciting plays of the year. Thankfully, those plays are available to watch online. It's much easier than fighting the massive crowds that pack minor league stadiums across the US...
Let’s Celebrate 50 Years of Bret Michaels With Some Embarrassingly Awesome Photos
Bret Michaels, the former leader of Poison, winner of 'Celebrity Apprentice' and driving force behind all those awesome seasons of 'Rock of Love' turns 50 years old today.
Sign the Petition to Make May 20th ‘National Macho Man Randy Savage Day’
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space!" - Macho Man Randy Savage
Everyday, in the United States, we celebrate a national "something" day. There is a National Pancake Day because we're all fat. There is National Donut Day because...wait explained that. It's absurd. It's time for a holiday that celebrates one of our national treasures -- Randy 'Macho
Sofia Vergara’s ‘Machete Kills 2′ Poster Proves Her Breasts are Indeed Lethal Weapons
Sofia Vergara is in 'Machete Kills', the sequel to the successful Robert Rodriguez flick staring Danny Trejo and a whole lot of blood. In the sneak peek posters, Vergara lets the world know her breasts have a featured role in the film. Check out the cannons attached to those cannons...
McDonald’s Getting Rid of Popular Menu Items — Is Your Favorite Getting the Golden Axe?
McDonald's is shaking up its menu. Except, instead of adding a hundred new items as usual, the Golden Arches is giving the golden axe to some crowd favorites.
Female News Anchor Doesn’t Know What the Gesture She’s Making With Her Hand and Mouth Really Means
I almost turned this video off .4 seconds into the most grating accent in the history of listening but then the female anchor said "big fat rubber end of my vibrating..." and things got interesting tout de suite.
For the sake of good banter, and awesome visuals of women pretending to give oral treats, watch this female anchor hand gesture herself into internet history...
Baltimore Ravens are Super Bowl XLVII Champions
The Baltimore Ravens survived a late 49ers surge, a controversial non-call in the endzone and a 34-minute power outage to win Super Bowl XLVII by a score of 34-31.
I’ve Discovered An Excuse to Get Men Out of Any Situation [Half a Man]
A recent piece of satire on one of my favorite sports websites prompted some research on another current favorite of mine – Lena Dunham. I realize that’s a substantial amount of a** kissing in one opening sentence but it’s true. Dunham is funny, unafraid to take risks and like her or not -- and plenty of people fall in the “or not” category -- she’s going to be around for a long time.
Watch this College Football Player Casually Complete a 65” Box Jump
For some people, athleticism looks boring. Take Dan Sullivan for example, a 6'2, 235 pound linebacker from Monmouth University in New Jersey. He makes this 65" box jump look like he was skipping over a puddle and onto a curb as to not ruin his brand new kicks...