Scanning the internet for the constant variety of the best pee-pee material one can find.

It takes time.

Golden showers and the Russians and hacking.

Fake news.

Continuing into the high seas of uncharted waters. The fallout for falling for it continues.

Man, am I having fun. I can't ever remember in 35 years of broadcasting a more giddy and wild run-up to a new dude palming the Bible (the same one Abraham Lincoln used) and raising the right meat hook to take the reins of the greatest country ever. I'll shoot fish in a barrel with these easy marks. Please feel free to add your fresh takes. This is only off the top of my head and by the way, the forecast for Friday's Inauguration is for, wait for it, showers.

A few wee jokes:

R. Kelly To Play Inauguration....wait no, everyone knows you NEVER cross streams....

Wiki Ain't the Only Thing That Leaks

The #1 detail in a juicy story.

This unfortunate leak is making a huge mess.

The fallout is making a huge splash as the facts keep trickling in.

Trump is a classic Republican. A classic Goldwater Republican.

New secret service nickname: I.P. Freely

I'm cutting this off now..I'm finished...

No, wait, a little more is coming out...

Trump's New Trickle Down Economics

Trump: "I'm Pissed"

This Yellow Journalism Must Stop

The Musical: Golden Slumbers Through The End (Boy, You're Gonna Carry That Weight...) Golden Earring "Twilight Zone" (speaks for itself)

Other Riffabilities:

Golden Tate; Gold Medal; Gold Standard; On Golden Pond (Oh Be Quiet You Old Poop); Gold Medal; Goldmember; Goldfinger; Goldshower (Comedy Central parody). Brilliant.

We're Golden.

One more thing. When Marco Rubio insinuated the small hands/small something else on the now president-elect, Mr. Trump took great care to first begin the next debate wanting it on the record before anything else debate worthy on the GOP stage that he didn't have a small dick. Did he not do the exact same thing in his first (and probably only press conference) as president-elect? The Russian sex scandal business just had to come first. Get out ahead of it, right?


Your turn.

Voyager Golden Record
NASA/Getty Images

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