I'm trying to process a pandemic, a pick for President, a possible personal pot-pie for a solo Thanksgiving and you're bringing me a penis picture protection pitch?

I perceive you're proud of your package, your prowess and your potential for action while on the prowl. Presently, when your precious private pictures of your privates are pending presentation, and precisely prior to pushing send, you're probably not pondering, will I be protected from projected punitive damages?

Before you snap one, and then give in to that irresistible urge that you just have to pass on that unsolicited dick pic, are you sure you wouldn't want some form of insurance so that your poor choice in the heat of the moment does not come back to haunt you and/or do some serious damage to your life?

Of course you're not thinking like that. You're taking penis pictures and you're disillusioned this is the right move. But do you realize there is a new app that lets you set up a legally binding NDA (Non Disclosure Agreement) before sending nude selfies, right?

And once you are in this NDA, if the opposing party leaks your nude photos, you can, uh, sue the pants off THEM, executing your revenge with the exact same legal standing you'd have if a lawyer had drawn up the contract for you.

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This piece of app-titude is called e-gree, and it lets you create a legally-binding non-disclosure agreement with someone before you start sexting. Honestly, this seems like a lot of work for something that usually is quite impulsive, or am I way off?

Once you both sign the NDA, start firing away with impunity. If the other party leaks your nude photos, you can see sue them. Download e-gree for free for Apple or Android devices. It costs 99 cents to actually compose and ready a document once you've downloaded the app. Big spender.

Hey! Look at My D*** Pics!

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