Writer Takes the ‘Big Mac and Egg Nog Latte’ Meal Challenge

The Starbucks Venti Egg Nog Latte has more calories than a Big Mac. We wondered what might happen if someone were to enjoy these two overindulgences…together. We wondered. We didn’t want to attempt it. Luckily, one of our writers did.

Sometimes we are faced with certain challenges in life that are so daunting that we are not sure we will make it out of them alive. And yet we are compelled by their nature knowing that we have no other choice but to at least try. As if we have something to prove.

Recently, we wrote about Starbuck’s Venti Egg Nog Latte having more calories than a Big Mac. A doctor quoted this as ‘alarming’ and we knew we would have no other choice but to take it as a challenge.

The obvious next step would be to drink and eat both of them together. Success would probably mean finishing the meal without dying of a heart attack. Fortunately there are enough McDonald’s and Starbucks that finding two literally next door to each other was fairly easy. There went walking as a pre-meal warm-up option.

Neither person who rung me up knew what I was preparing to do, but I wondered what their reaction would be to this Frankstensteining of fast food coffee and meat.

Situating myself at a window seat in a McDonald’s in Brooklyn, the weather outside was cold, rainy, and dreadful. That is to say, it was perfect weather for the horror story for which I was about to subject myself.

I was accompanied by an ex-girlfriend who came along to take photos, who was probably reminded by my endeavor why she broke up with me in the first place. I was equal parts ashamed and proud of what I was ready to take on.

Faced with both, I wasn’t sure which to take on first. The burger made the most sense, but washing down a bite of Mac sauce slathered meat with frothy coffee laced with warm egg nog frightened the hell out of me.

So I took off the top to the latte, revealing the powdered nutmeg sitting atop the foamed off-white beast and took a gulp. Even a single sip from a drink with that much caffeine and sugar is enough to send someone into apoplectic shock.

The latte is perhaps more deceptive, coming off as a more refined drink while the Big Mac is less pretentious, aware of its status as a heap of meat cheese and bread.

The sweetness of the drink lingered as I bit into the Big Mac, as if my mouth was forever coated with egg nog. It was at least less painful to eat, its lack of excessive sugar content fortunately a brief respite from the drink.

As I continued to eat and drink, I realized I was suddenly becoming drowsy. Feasting on these two things together was actually exhausting me. It made my body feel weak and all I wanted to do was pass out. But I persevered, taking every last bite and sip. In the name of…science?

My body screamed at me wondering what it had done to deserve this abuse. By the time it was finished, I felt the onset of addiction, and it was no longer as gross. I enjoyed it not just for the feat, but for the food as well. I abstained. This MUST be the last time I ever do this.

A certain humbleness and respect comes to you thinking about the people who eat like this all the time with their iron stomaches capable of consuming fast food in excess without dying.

Leaving McDonald’s, I made a mad dash for the only thing that could wash away the taste and the shame of the meal– beer.

Dylan Schenker is a writer and film, tech & free culture lover. He is a contributing writer for PSFK & The Creators Project. You can follow him on Twitter.