Been Caught Stealing.

Breaking the Law.


Rock n roll is chock full of ditties where the protagonist inherently runs afoul of the law.

Now be honest. Of the following minor crimes that people are most likely to commit, how many of these top 10 minor crimes to you have NO PROBLEM fessing up that you do, indeed, indulge in this kind of behavior:

1. Buying something, wearing it once, then returning it.

Nope. Never done that. I'd try it on before wearing it out.

2. Taking a sick day when you're not sick

Uh. Duh?

3. Illegally downloading music or movies

Honestly, I have not. I probably would if I didn't have access to basically any song I'd ever want with 5 radio stations libraries at my disposal. I doubt you have that kind of access.

4. Getting too much change back when you buy something and keeping it.

Big hypocrite here. I do not say a word. But if it were the other way around, you goll dang right I'd be speaking up letting the clerk know I'm needing immediate satisfaction and compensation.

5. Logging onto someone else's WiFi

Quite proud of my prowess in this arena, actually. If you don't secure your network, you deserve to be on the receiving end of my broadband blunt force slough.

6. Eating grapes or other little things at the grocery store

Ain't nobody got time for that! Besides I save that pilfering for the chocolate almond clusters in the whole foods aisle.

7. Smuggling food into a movie

Food? Never. Drinks? Er.... here comes the rationalization and justification....if I'm shelling out 8 bucks for a bucket of popcorn, you better believe I'll keep my thirst quenched through my own channels. Right. Like the people working the counter giving you a huge corn tub with extra salt and massive mounds of butter, believe you'll need nothing to wash it down. Sure thing. Winter time is easy. It's more difficult to explain a huge beach bag you're taking in with your shorts and flip flops in July.

8. Using the bathroom at a store or restaurant without buying something

You're supposed to buy something?

9. Driving with an expired registration.

Only once. I was illegal for 4 months, biding my time, playing the odds and waiting for Initiative 695 to kick in. That one reduced the license tabs from about $400 (for my rig at the time) to a flat rate of $50 once the voters had their say.

10. (tie) Jaywalking and/or lying to get a discount, like saying it's your birthday or that there was a problem with your food

The last crosswalk I used was in New York City. In 2004. And I've never done the lying to get food thing. Plus I'm petrified if I send something back, it'll surely eventually come around  to me full of the cook's saliva....eewwwww.

Handcuff and fingerprint

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