Arrest Warrant Issued for Windstorm After Tri-Cities Trees Assaulted

A storm blew into Tri-Cities Friday night that assaulted thousands of innocent trees, and now the TC-TPD wants to find the perpetrator and have them arrested.

The Trees Were Just Minding Their Own Business Friday Night

When thousands of trees in the Tri-Cities went to bed on Friday night, they did not expect to be blown apart into pieces all over their neighborhoods by morning. Last Friday night, a strong storm moving over 100 mph in places slammed into the area and left a trail of broken tree branches in its wake.

Thousands of Trees were Injured or Uprooted by Saturday Morning

Mary Spruce, a tree living off Court in Pasco, says "My Son down the road has been split in two. Now I only have half a son." Mary's plight is felt all over the Tri-Cities. Trees all over the area are left to pick up the pieces after the storm struck. The TC-TPD (Tri-City Tree Police Department) says that over half of all trees in the area sustained some kind of assault from the wind bandit that blew into town.

Now Police Want the Name of the Fast-Moving Assailant

So many trees were injured by the fast-moving storm that the TC-TPD has made finding and naming the storm a priority. The Chief of the TC-TPD said "We cannot sit idlily by while innocent trees and their families are assaulted in their sleep. I will do everything in my power to identify this 100mph assailant and bring them to justice."

Tri-Cities Trees are Left with Scars from the Overnight Attack

The TC-TPD estimates that almost 3/4 of all trees in the Tri-Cities area were affected by the attack, but many have not come forward. The Chief of the TC-TPD wants all trees to know they do not have to be afraid to come forward with their story. They have even set up an anonymous hotline for trees too embarrassed to tell their story. Mike Pine, a tree from Kennewick, thinks the hotline is a good idea. "Trees are known to be very private creatures and having an outlet like this is great for intimidated trees like myself."

Who to Contact with Information About the 100mph Tree Assailant

If you have information about how to identify or find the storm responsible for tearing up all the trees, just contact the TC-TPD at 1-509-555-TREE. Tree agents would like to discuss the details of Friday November 4, 2022, with them. Also, please hug a tree if you see it has been freshly damaged by the storm, they could use some love right about now.

**Yes, this is a fictional story trying to make you smile some on your boring regular Monday morning. No, there is not an official Tree police department called the TCTPD.**