On Independence Eve Let Me Say, ‘I Love You’ to Our Cousins the Brits [VIDEO]

I honestly wish I had a British accent and a I totally dig that Buckingham Palace. I'll always look up to your commitment to tradition and nobody knows how to keep a family tree like you guys. The Union Jack is really, really cool. Thank you for Stanley Kubrick and above all, thanks for the British hard rock.

So what that you guys weren't even ruled by a Brit when you owned us (George was German and the first member of his family to even speak English. He even used his German troops -- the Hessians -- to fight us).

And that we had to save you during World War I and II because of your own failures in diplomacy (the King of England and the German Kaiser were first cousins, and Chamberlain refused to intervene when Russia invaded Austria, Czechoslovakia and Poland).

That time you invaded us and burned the White House is water under the bridge (200 years ago -- forgiven and forgotten).

So right before we get really drunk and light up a bunch of fireworks to celebrate our grandparents' divorce (rubbing your face in the fact that the most powerful army in the world couldn't defeat a rag-tag volunteer corps led by a farmer), let me just say, "We love you guys!"