Mike Adams

Well boys, we finally found her – the one girl you can get off without being well versed in the Kama Sutra or hung like a race horse.

What started out as a novel idea has turned into a corporate tug of war, as two Columbian brothers are now deep in the trenches of a legal battle with 20th Century Fox for the right to brew beer inspired by the hit television series ‘The Simpsons.’

Today’s celebrity cleavage belongs to a 19-year-old singer and actress whose barely legal and delectable rack has been rumored to cause pocket pool tendencies and rosy palms in men ages ten to dead.

When youthful enthusiasm, minimum wage and a filthy pair of clown shoes is mixed with fast food prepared by the downtrodden generation, sometimes it becomes necessary to report bad service to the corporate office.

There is nothing quite like being catapulted 40,000 feet into the air and feeling the effects of a high pressure, high altitude beer buzz while being shuttled at top speed across the great American skies.

If you are a convicted felon, there are a couple of ways to ensure another trip back to the pokey – shooting yourself in the balls with an illegal firearm is one way.

There is no joy in having to pay a large bar tab, especially when there seems to be a discrepancy with the bill. However, it is well advised to just pay it – because there is even less joy in having to be removed from a fence after you impale yourself while attempting to pull the old “drink and dash” routine.

It looks like the Geek Squad has come across a problem it can’t solve.

Drinking on the job is never a good idea, and that goes double when your chosen profession includes illegal activities that can send you to prison. We’re referring, of course, to this Russian dude who was caught having a little post-drinking nap in a woman’s house when he was supposed to be robbing the place. Seriously, it’s just unprofessional.

We have three words that will change the way you drink – self-chilling can.

Today’s celebrity cleavage belongs to an old cougar singer-songwriter best known for her work in world of country music.

For most us, the only physical danger we are faced with at work comes from eating too much junk out of the vending machine or standing too close to someone with bad breath. On the upside, none of these things are life threatening and can usually be remedied with a couple of Tums and a breath mint.