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Did I Ever Tell You About the Time I Ran From a Bowling Ball Cannon?


I grew up in the country, and I saw some things in the country you probably shouldn’t see.
I was in high school and it was the Fourth of July.

Every year one of my parents’ nearest neighbors, which was STILL 5-6 miles away, threw a Fourth of July party. And this party is LEGENDARY in the area where I grew up. You’re somebody if you got invited to this party, because it is crazy.

First of all these people drink like fish. Not just beer and wine, but MOONSHINE! Hard stuff!

We were at our first one of these parties, and everyone is getting hammered — like fall on the ground hammered. That’s fine; we were drinking too (my parents I mean, I was still in high school).

All of a sudden the host of the party goes, “It’s time for fireworks!”

I looked at my dad like, “Is he really serious?”

He pulls out a ginormous box he got at some Indian reservation.

M80s were just the start of it, I’ll put it that way.

It was the biggest box of fireworks I’ve ever seen in my lifetime.

He started setting off fireworks and it was a pretty good show. And then the box catches fire.

Fireworks started shooting everywhere. People were running around corners, running behind cars. And fireworks were going off everywhere. And I mean everywhere.

You know those ones with hundreds of little rockets in them? Imagine that times 1000!
So my parents and I ran to the barn.

Somebody said, “That was great! Haha! You should have seen the box he caught on fire last year!”

But that’s not the grand finale!

The grand finale is a gigantic, home-meade cannon that shoots a whole bowling ball with black powder. Sounds great, right? But they like to shoot it straight up in the air. Everyone watches go up, and then someone yells, “RUN!”

It came crashing down through the roof of their barn. It just as easily could have landed on a car, a kid, or shot through their house.

The moral of the story: unless you want to get burned or squished by a bowling ball, don’t go to a country Fourth of July party.

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